Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ 凯琳 aka 可欣

My photo
Malaysia
每个女孩原是个天使- 无泪的天使。自从遇见心爱的男孩,就拥有了眼泪。天使落泪,堕入凡间。所以,每个男孩都要珍惜自己的女孩,因为她曾经为你放弃了整个天堂。

Friday, February 17, 2017

#kcfirstvalentine

My Sakaiiiii Darling,

8 days have gone by too fast. This is one of the best trip in my life indeed.
Is the first time, me & you get to spend our time together as a couple, get to understand each other better.You were charming, kind, and charismatic, and I couldn't help but be drawn to you.

There are so many wonderful things to thank you for that I don't even know where to begin. Words will never do it justice, but I can try, right?

1.Thank you for putting me in my place -because sometimes I actually might be acting a little too harsh (or stubborn) about things that I don't like, even if I'll never admit it (sorry, not sorry.) I always appreciate your honesty, even when it's something that's hard to hear.

2. Thank you for knowing how to handle me- or at least for pretending like you know how to, and doing an excellent job of it. I know I'm not always the easiest person to deal with, but you settle me down and make me smile in a way that no one else can.

3. Thank you for always holding my hand  - Not only do you keep my fingers warm during the super duper cold days in Taipei, but you're also not afraid to show me off to friends, family, and even strangers. Honestly, this is an awesome feeling.

4.Thank you for not arguing (too much) when I want to pay for things- because sometimes I just want to assert that I'm a ~strong independent woman~ and you totally understand that, even if you don't always like it.

5.Thank you for not complaining when I force you to take seven million pictures- or even just lying in bed together taking selfies when I'm bored. You respectfully accept that my hair was "out of place" or that my arm "looked awkward," and that we obviously need to try again 16 times for the perfect shot.

6.Thank you for letting me cuddle you endlessly and steal all of the sheets and pillows.

7.Thank you for all of the compliments- because some days I feel like a potato  but you always reassure me that I'm beautiful just the way I am (although you may be lying sometimes.) Wearing your favorite hoodies and jackets might make me look like a Fan Shu aka sweet potato, but you still make me feel like a million bucks.

8.Thank you for letting me stress cry (super emotional) - and then for reassuring me that everything will be okay. Even if it's over something small, you're always there to help pick up the pieces.

9.Thank you for kissing/blowing/playing with my hair - and for not complaining when it makes your face itchy itchy or suffocates you (sorry, big spoon). I can reassure you that it feels like heaven and will put me to sleep within a matter of seconds.

10.Thank you for letting me attack you with hugs and kisses even if we are walking on the street.

11.Thank you for being silly- Some of my fondest memories with you involve weird faces, strange conversations, and pure craziness. We've even developed our own language of phrases and pet names. Yes, we may be weirdos, but I love that you never take things too seriously and you always know how to make me laugh. You sounded extremely cute when you speak Malay with your "ang moh" slang. 

12. Thank you for taking time out from your busy schedule to accompany me. The arrangements on #kcfirstvalentine to ensure i enjoy the day to the fullest.

13.Thank you for making me feel so happy and humbled- There are days that I just sit and look at you and wonder how I got so lucky. Sometimes I feel that I don't deserve someone as wonderful as you.

14. Thank you for opening up to me - It's great to know that you're willing to discuss your life with me. I'll always do my best to listen, help, and talk you through whatever it is you're thinking about, and I know that you would do the same in return. You have allowed me into your heart and mind, which is a wonderful privilege.

15. Thank you for being exactly who you are-  being kind, and making everyone around you smile is something that I will always be amazed by. You inspire me every single day, and I feel absolutely blessed to be a part of your life. You make me want to be a better version of myself, and you always encourage me to strive for the best.

It's easy to call you my boyfriend (at least that's what Facebook says you are). But, above all, I think you're much more than that. You're my best friend, cheerleader ,my pillow, my confidant, and most importantly, my lover.

I am eternally grateful that you're in my life today. Wherever the road takes us, I'm glad that I got to walk down that road with you, creating so many beautiful memories along the way.
And hopefully soon enough, we won't be apart for long anymore.

#kctaiwanmsia
#tillnexttime
#zerokmaway


Tuesday, January 17, 2017

北斗七星

16012017
亲爱的,对不起,我又跟你抬杠了。

终于,理出了我不安全感的源头。
在一起的两个月里,我每一次闹别扭,
你都会不厌其烦的哄回我
我说过会令我不开心的每一件事,你都会顺着我的意思去改,去迁就,去包容我。

宁可委屈自己,宁可改变自己,
就只想为搏红颜一笑 。

你觉得,这是你证明你爱我的举动,想令我开心,证明我在你心目中的地位不轻。
可是,这并不是我想要的。

或许早几年前的我,会被你这举动深深地感动到。恨不得你永远都这样宠着我。
但我已经是一个 30岁的女人。
经过了那么多,我深深了解到一个人的忍耐度是有限的。
我要的,不是一个处处忍让我,一味盲目改变自己只为了减低会跟另一半吵架机率的男人。

这世界上没有永远的包容,更没有永无止境的容忍。
长期如此,内心积压的情绪问题会越来越多, 性格也会慢慢变得抑郁沮丧。
就如同不断充气的气球,终有一天要爆炸。
然后呢? 分手? 离婚? 还是找小三? 

我想要的,是在大家意见分歧的时候,
彼此都能说出对事情的看法,表达自己的立场。(若偶尔不能心平气和,只要没有暴力冲突就好 😂)
了解彼此的看法与立场,再找出一个圆满的平衡点。
找不到平衡点,就试着去接受,毕竟世上没有完美的两个人。
若最后选择了包容/忍耐,就不要奢望/强迫对方会为你改变。因为这不是你所能控制的范围。

两个人在一起,全看我们愿意为对方牺牲的改变多少。
两个人有着共同的目标,想要为了彼此的幸福和未来努力。
就算兩人有不同的地方,但是彼此吸引、配合、找出相处的节奏和一起和谐生活的步调,互相補足彼此的不足,一起往幸福的方向前進。

从前,我是个刁蛮公主。
可如今,我想长大了。
我想做一个,让你真正打从心底爱上的那个女人。
我想要的,不只是你的甜言蜜语。
我要的,是你由衷的劝解与忠告。
让我慢慢进步,成为一个值得被爱的女人,再好好爱着你。

到那时,我不再没有安全感。
因为我知道,我符合了你爱人的条件。
而你也真的爱上了我,不会轻易离开。

你愿意,当我的北斗七星吗?



Monday, January 16, 2017

我的 "负能量垃圾桶", 我回来了

我一不开心,就会想写东西
从前,部落格是我的 "负能量垃圾桶"
伤心了,受委屈了,生气了,
都会来这里报到。

后来,读我部落格的人数越来越多
所以有些时候,不想让人知道的小秘密,
就唯有往心里搁着了

还好,Dayre 出现了
它也就成为了我的 "秘密日记本"
没人懂,没人看, 所以很放心的把日常生活里发生的种种都写在那里

可是现在,因为 "他" 的出现,情况不同了

他每天都准时到我 Dayre 里报到
知道那是他想多了解我的方式
心里是开心的。
而我,也并没有因为这样而改变我写东西的方式
我还是一样把平日看到的,想到的,每天的心情故事都写上

可是过了昨晚,感觉不一样了
我一直以为他的中文不好,应该看不太懂我写的东西
而他一向来打咧咧的性格,好像对我的事都不太给力
可是我错了。
他懂,而我写的东西,会牵动到他的情绪
只是他一直都选择不说
因为不想我难过 🙁

或许,是时候投回部落格的怀抱了
Dayre, 从此只报喜不报忧

Wednesday, January 11, 2017

不想加油了,行吗?


最近这些日子,真的累垮了。
忙忙忙,最终,也熬出病来了。

其实,令我最讨厌的,不是像是一辈子都做不完的工作,也不是站到像是快折断的双腿、废寝忘食而导致的头疼胃疼。

我最讨厌的是在拼了命想把事情做的尽善尽美,然而却遇到瓶颈的时候,听到有人热情地对着我喊:「加油!」

加什么油呢?你看不出来我已经快没力了吗?我怎么还会有办法加油?
加什么油呢?你看不出来我已经用尽全力了吗?难道我看起来很偷懒?

那时候的我,只要一听到「加油」,就会忍不住浮现种种的负面情绪。

比起 「加油」,我更希望听到的是:「不必加油也没关系,我知道,你已经很努力了。」

因为已经努力了又努力,却还是没有看到期望的结果。
因为已经努力了又努力,努力到不知道还能做什么了。

这样时候的我,其实很害怕听到「加油」这两个字。因为当听到这样的鼓励,不知道自己该要有什么样的表现呢?
该回一个阳光般的灿烂笑容?已经觉得自己不OK 了,已经觉得自己拖累了别人,怎么还能挤得出笑容?
已经没有了方向,光是麻痹地埋头努力也是对的吗?
或者,这样的压力对自己是好的吗?心里的疑惑越积越多,对自我价值的怀疑便越来越深。

这时,又不断听到旁人轻轻松松的一句:「加油!」不但没有被激励,心中的理智线反而最可能在这种时候断裂。

不想要再加油了,因为承担不起别人失望的眼神。
不想要再加油了,因为好像再加油也都只在原地。
不想要再加油了,因为太努力后才不得不放弃了。

你不是我,不会知道这一路走过的路有多坎坷,不会知道企图要再爬起身来有多不容易。
你的一句「加油」或许出自善意,却只会带给无比的压力。
适度的压力或许是成长的开始,但压力过度的累积却只会击垮一个人。

我们太习惯轻易说出:「加油」两个字,却忘记了简单的两个字会给听到的人多大的负担。

真的,比起 「加油」, 我更希望有人能对我说:
不必加油也没关系,一步步慢慢往前就好。
不必加油也没关系,累了就停下脚步休息。
不必加油也没关系,你只需要跟自己交代。
不必加油也没关系,因为你已经太努力了。
不必加油也没关系,歇一歇,以后的日子,我来为你操心就好。



Saturday, December 31, 2016

2016°终

2016 对我来说是个非常艰辛的一年,
最后一天了,拍拍自己的肩膀,看着镜子里的自己,
跟自己说声 : 你好棒哦~
因为,我熬过来了

2016,
事业,爱情,金钱,运气,
似乎都约好了要一起来整我。
这一年,我真的累了...

爆炸事件后,餐厅的营业额大不如前
每一个月的营业报表,无论销售或是利润,都是赤字
起初老板都还安慰说,给点时间,一切都会好起来的
但半年过去了,情况却也没有好转
每一次跟老板开会,我的头都快抬不起来了

事业的不顺,让我更加渴望能在在爱情里感受到一些温暖,支持和鼓励...
但我得到的反而是 :
无止境的吵架~
对我的怀疑与不信任~
耿耿于怀着我的过去~
一而再的挑战我的耐心~

对不起...
我不想再吵了,我真的累了
在一起的两年的时间,我任然没有办法让你相信自己的真心,是我的失败。
分开,让彼此都会比较好过吧~

生日前夕,我单身了。
连续三年的,生日不快乐
也没什么,习惯就好

正当你以为,老天应该把今年厄运的配额都派玩了的时候,
PTPTN 也决定来凑一脚...

回想起在机场的自己,
狼狈... 委屈... 内疚... 无助...
硬撑到家人来接我时,一上到车上,眼泪就哗啦哗啦的控制不住的大哭一顿
这些画面至今都还历历在目

2016 尾声,
在新加坡认识了现在的他。
相知相惜,对彼此的感觉不错
可是当时压根儿没有想过会在一起
因为, 他身在 3231KM 以外的距离

向来都没有安全感的我,对远距离恋爱非常抗拒
我,害怕...
害怕距离让他忘了我,
害怕我不在他身边的时候他抵挡不了身边的诱惑,
害怕种种的未知数,让自己再受伤

然而,46 天过去了
他的用心,耐心,和对自己的包容
我全都看在眼里
*默默地感动-ing*

喂! Sakai!!!
谢谢你,
谢谢你,出现在我的生命里
谢谢你,愿意包容我的不完美
谢谢你,愿意体谅我的不安全感
谢谢你,愿意接受我过去的不堪
谢谢你,成为我 2016 年里苦中的一点甜

2017 年,我不贪心
不奢求风雨无阻,
也不贪图荣华富贵,
只求能与你平凡相依。



Friday, December 16, 2016

Happy First Monthsary, Darling ❤

Yayyyyy! We did it! We lasted a month.

Happy first month Darling 😙😙😙
I hope in the future we could turn months into years. I know that it isn't impossible.

Thank you for not leaving me for sometimes I'm under my unwanted attitude. I may not be the perfect girl that you always want to have, but I assure you that with all of  my imperfection, I will still love you perfectly.

I promise not to ruin our relationship and be worthy for you. Thought I would write this just to tell you again and remind you how much you mean to me, and how much I love you (annoying as that is to you 😝😝😝)

I know we don’t get to talk or see each other much. But being apart for now doesn’t change the way I feel about you in my heart. Sure I’m lonely, and sometimes I’m overwhelmed with this emptiness in my chest. But, just remember that I love you and everything about you. That’s what gets me through every minute of every day that I’m without you.

Celebrating monthsary may not seem so important to you, but I would like to take this opportunity to let you know your importance in my life and how it has made me a better person since the day you loved me.

It may seem like a short time since we met and fell in love, but my heart knows what it wants and it wants you. I will always remember the moment we became lovers.
I can’t imagine my life without you since then.
Thank you for the love and caring.

You stole my heart and it is TOTALLY YOURS, for however long you want it.

Happy monthsary.

#kctaiwanmsia



Tuesday, December 6, 2016

是天意吗?
还是巧合?

从前,跟 JS 在一起的第一个生日,他碰巧要飞澳洲
如今,与 Kelvin 的第一个生日,他要飞德国

知道消息以后,眼泪顿时就快流出来了 😢

对,我就是一个很注重所有特别日子的女生
生日,情人节,纪念日
我都把它们看得超超超重要的

过去的三个生日,都是哭着渡过的
想说,明年应该不用再一个人哭着跟自己说生日快乐了吧?

我以为他一定会有打算过来替我庆祝
我以为他一定会费尽心思给自己安排惊喜
我以为他知道我过去他会很高兴
我以为若在台湾,他安排东西也比较方便
我以为...
我以为...
原来,一切只是我以为...

看在别人眼里,原来我的举动
是很自私的
我没有顾虑到说他那段时间是否有空,自顾自的认为自己生日很重要,别人都必须以我为先
自我中心为主,打乱了别人原有的计划

因为我,他必须更改行程
因为我,他必须从新买过机票
因为我,他必须延迟出发
因为我...
对,都是我...

娴雅说的对
我太 dominant 了
或许这就是为什么我每段感情都失败
原来问题一直都在自己这边

他说,没关系
他说,不要紧
他说,他没有生气
他说,没什么大不了
他说,吸取教训,不要再犯就好

李先生,或许这是第一次,所以你还能忍受
但是,你能确定以后都还能像现在这样包容我吗?
你对自己那么有信心吗?

现在的我,只剩下
自卑感...
内疚感...

不安全感...

此刻的你,也许真的很喜欢我
此刻的你,也许真的很疼我
此刻的你,也许真的很乐意包容我

可不可以告诉我
这样的你,可以维持多久?

你说过,你这辈子从未爱过任何人
我又何德何能,觉得自己会成为你第一个爱的女人?

我很怕,很怕很怕
若高估了自己,最终只会跌得更重,更伤

PS :
你对我的好,我全都感受到。
谢谢你,给于我的包容与耐心。
每爱你多一些,安全感就少一些。
越重要的人,越害怕会失去。